I believe that everyone comes to God differently...

I was raised in the church. I was raised, from the time of my adoption at age 7 till I left the house, in the Protestant Reformed Church. After that, I left the church for a very long time, though I never stopped loving God as much as I was capable of at that point in my life.

One day I was standing outside of a maternity house in Washington, Iowa, just standing on the lawn minding my own business. As I stood there, the Lord spoke to my heart and told me this: "It's time for you to stop pretending to be a Christian- and to actually become one". I stopped reading everything that I've loved reading all my life; I stopped everything in my life in my desire to obey God and be the perfect little Christian. I went on for years like that- until one day I realized that I was more miserable AFTER getting "saved" than I was the whole time prior to it. I learned a valuable lesson about my walk with God- it's MY walk. It's HIM leading, but it's ME following and God doesn't NOT want me to follow him just becuase I'm scared to go to hell. He wants me to follow him because he sent Jesus (Yeshua) to die for me so I could be FREE; free to choose him; free to live my life and learn and grow and fall and get back up. He didn't mean for me to be some robot in flesh but to be a vital, healthy, happy, content woman of God with a view to the future and an understanding of the past. He knows where I have been. He knows the men I slept with, the babies I had out of wedlock. He knows that I abused my son Karl out of ignorance and fear and lack of a role model. He knows I tried like hell to keep my kids but in the end, simply ran out of time & the state's patience. He knows that I obeyed when He told me it was time to work on HEIDI and to let Karl and Katrina go- for now. He knew I'd have another child and t old me so years before Ish came upon the scene. God knows all. He understands all. He's seen the whole movie- we're just in a ways. I pray that anyone who reads this will be blessed by it. Don't live your life as though God has a paddle in his back pocket just waiting to smack you up side ur head; live your life as though God gave you a life to live and you're determined to make the best out of a corrupt, evil world and still be able to smile and thank God and praise him for he made you for a reason! That reason is between YOU and GOD to determine- it has nothing to do with tithing, with the "Thou shalt nots" of this world or even whatever church you happen to attend. The preacher can't tell you how to live; he can only explain scripture up to the point that HE UNDERSTANDS which may or may not be a message for you. That's why the Bible says "Study to show THYSELF approved; a workman that needs not be ashamed, CORRECTLY discerning the word of truth.